Female sexual pleasure. Those three words hold so much meaning and so many different perspectives in our society. Although female sexual pleasure is becoming less of a more, it still has a negative stigma that can lead to negative sanctions, such as shame, for young women. Peggy Orenstein, a three time New York Times best selling author of novels on female sexuality, presented a Ted Talk titled “What Young Women Believe About Their Own Sexual Pleasure” in which she talks about her experience interviewing young women (ages 15 to 20) about their sexual encounters and how they submit to the social norms of their identified gender. Orenstein discovered that, while young women feel entitled to engage in sexual acts, they don’t necessarily feel entitled to enjoy it. She spoke of one woman she interviewed who defined herself as a strong woman, because she grew up among other strong women who inspired her. When asked about her sexual identity, however, the woman began to speak about the docile nature of the socially propelled ‘sexual woman.’ Orenstein also mentions that the women didn’t feel as though she had the right to communicate her wants and needs with her sexual partners. After Orenstein questioned the two contradictions regarding her personal identities, the woman admitted that she hadn’t been taught that a woman's personal identity could correlate with her sexual one. Orenstein also touched on other ways women feel as though they need to fit the socially acceptable schema for female sexualiy such as shaving their genitals, which 75% of female college students participate in, and many go to such lengths to alter their genitalia such as labiaplasty. Female genitalia have become more about how it looks to someone else rather than how it feels to the owner of the genitals. The final topic that Orenstein talks about is how women define sexual satisfaction. On average, the women who she interviewed who experienced heterosexual intimate encounters defined their sexual satisfaction by the orgasm of their partner. Orenstein also had women explain their definitions of bad sex. Words like pain, depression, degradation, and humiliation were often present in those definitions. This gives insight as to the potential low standards that women have for good sex. If sex isn’t painful or humiliating, then should it be considered good? I believe that these problems regarding female sexual pleasure can be challenged through process of changing societal norms. Many of these problems revolve around women's lack of sexual identity and discovery due to the sanctions that result in deviance from ‘normal’ sexual behavior. Rather than finding out the ways that an individual woman enjoys sex, it is common to find women basing their sexual experiences on social standards. Just as young people go through a period of self discovery and of creating an identity, I believe that the same exploration is needed for women's sexuality. A way that this can be achieved is through the practice of masterbation.
A second Ted Talk by Keeley Olivia titled “Masterbation is the New Meditation,” supports this claim. Olivia led a year long experiment in which she masterbated five times a week, for an hour each time. This experiment made her face the stigma and shame that is placed onto women who masterbate and are sexual purely for pleasure. Olivia says that in most sex stores, people are often required to be 18 , or even 21 years old to enter. This leaves the inner parts of a younger woman’s vagina ( g-spot and cervix) incapable of self-discovery. The only way to reach those parts would be for a young woman to have a sexual partner who could penetrate them for her. This omits the ability for women to discover their own sexual pleasure and to create their own sexual identity. By denying young women the right to discover this aspect of their own sexual pleasure, women are also denied the right to feel belonging within their own bodies. Experiencing orgasms can allow women to realize that their vaginas are not disgusting, smelly, ugly, or shameful. They are a part of their identity and should not bring them shame or self-criticism. Olivia also shared a photo of two statues that she believed portrayed this point. The male statue was completely nude while the female statue covered her shameful lower genitalia with a cloth, leaving her “desirable” breasts in plain view. Olivia saw this statue as a metaphor for the ways women are told to cover their shamed and unwanted sexuality.
Rather than being taught to cover up and hide the individual sexual identity that women hold, embracing the diversity and uniqueness of female sexual pleasure can lead to immense self-love and understanding as well as equality within sexual experiences.
Olivia, Keeley, director. Masturbation Is the New Meditation . YouTube, YouTube, 28 Nov. 2018,
www.youtube.com/watch?v=BUOzUTXFlQA.
Orenstein , Peggy, director. What Young Women Believe About Their Own Sexual Pleasure . YouTube,
YouTube, 5 Apr. 2017, www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWA2uL8zXPI.
This is a really interesting topic to write about and I think it is something that is quite important and relevant. I appreciate too that you used a very empirical lens to approach this topic because it is something that tends to become quite personal and intimate due to the nature of the topic as a whole. I also think that describing female sexual pleasure as a more is very interesting but quite true and makes me think more about it overall and how our society places little to no emphasis on the female orgasm, but rather shrouds it in mystery without advocating for women to talk about their personal pleasure. The point about adult shops placing age restrictions on sex toys is also interesting and something I've never taken a moment to think about. If other forms of masturbation are frowned upon and a teenager can't buy their own sex toy, it is likely that a partner will attempt to penetrate them first. Thank you for writing about a topic so important and yet so intimate.
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